I received shocking news last night. He was getting married soon. To compound it further, he was marrying a woman.
What is happening? How is this even possible? I remember the days and nights we spent together, in each others' arms, unable to tear apart, steeped in lust.
The first time we did it - it is such a fresh memory. We were just plain tired and we happened to share a wooden cot with a flattened mattress and our lips found each others' and the tongues crept into one another's mouth. The moment was intense and we could not keep apart. We slept naked in each other's arms after we were spent. We tried to pray for God's forgiveness after we committed our sin. We were too weary - we coiled in each other. He had an early morning errand to take a visiting friend from the train station and he missed it by a couple hours. He swaddled me carefully in my blanket and I awoke to sweaty naked skin rubbing textile and sun shine waking me up as he hurriedly dressed up and took leave. It was to be kept our first secret.
We never spoke about it again. I made casual mention of it, not saying his name, when I spoke about it. My rainbow friends knew of him. It was a pleasant feeling.
We met again. I stayed with him for a few days, keeping him company as we planned to attend a wedding. The day we met, early in the morning, we got horny. I did not want to do it then, but we did it because he insisted we do it. That night, after the wedding, he was fixing pictures he had captured on his new camera from the wedding and I went to bed alone. But I woke up in his arms, his lips planting kisses on mine, setting fire to what was ready to burn.
We did it again the next day. It was not a bad thing at all - it felt good when we did it and even later, when we parted, as I made my way home.
And now, he is getting married, to a woman.
I remember seeing his profile on men-dating-men websites. I remember the passion we felt when we were in the act. I remember how much he could love me, another man. I cannot forget how we kissed - fiery kisses in sweaty nights that never lacked in lust.
What did I miss?
Does he like women too? Did I not know that he was bisexual? Do I bring out the homosexual in him when we are alone? Was our lust a temporal pleasure he did not really need? Did he get over a phase of homosexual desires to mature into a bisexual bigot?
Did someone force him to take the match? Did someone accuse him of our sin and force him to get a gay beard? Is the woman he chose a willing gay beard?
Does she know he could love a man like a man could love a woman (or a woman her man)? Does she know we made love? Does she even know of my existence?
Did he lie to me by not letting me know he was a bisexual? Did he even admit to her that he experimented with men long after his teenage years? Does he really have a heterosexual identity, if not a bisexual identity at the least?
Am I am omission in his life story(though still a painful, living reminder in his life)?
What is happening? How is this even possible? I remember the days and nights we spent together, in each others' arms, unable to tear apart, steeped in lust.
The first time we did it - it is such a fresh memory. We were just plain tired and we happened to share a wooden cot with a flattened mattress and our lips found each others' and the tongues crept into one another's mouth. The moment was intense and we could not keep apart. We slept naked in each other's arms after we were spent. We tried to pray for God's forgiveness after we committed our sin. We were too weary - we coiled in each other. He had an early morning errand to take a visiting friend from the train station and he missed it by a couple hours. He swaddled me carefully in my blanket and I awoke to sweaty naked skin rubbing textile and sun shine waking me up as he hurriedly dressed up and took leave. It was to be kept our first secret.
We never spoke about it again. I made casual mention of it, not saying his name, when I spoke about it. My rainbow friends knew of him. It was a pleasant feeling.
We met again. I stayed with him for a few days, keeping him company as we planned to attend a wedding. The day we met, early in the morning, we got horny. I did not want to do it then, but we did it because he insisted we do it. That night, after the wedding, he was fixing pictures he had captured on his new camera from the wedding and I went to bed alone. But I woke up in his arms, his lips planting kisses on mine, setting fire to what was ready to burn.
We did it again the next day. It was not a bad thing at all - it felt good when we did it and even later, when we parted, as I made my way home.
And now, he is getting married, to a woman.
I remember seeing his profile on men-dating-men websites. I remember the passion we felt when we were in the act. I remember how much he could love me, another man. I cannot forget how we kissed - fiery kisses in sweaty nights that never lacked in lust.
What did I miss?
Does he like women too? Did I not know that he was bisexual? Do I bring out the homosexual in him when we are alone? Was our lust a temporal pleasure he did not really need? Did he get over a phase of homosexual desires to mature into a bisexual bigot?
Did someone force him to take the match? Did someone accuse him of our sin and force him to get a gay beard? Is the woman he chose a willing gay beard?
Does she know he could love a man like a man could love a woman (or a woman her man)? Does she know we made love? Does she even know of my existence?
Did he lie to me by not letting me know he was a bisexual? Did he even admit to her that he experimented with men long after his teenage years? Does he really have a heterosexual identity, if not a bisexual identity at the least?
Am I am omission in his life story(though still a painful, living reminder in his life)?
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