There are those times in your life when you make up your mind that some specific people or things belong in a place different from where you kept them that day, week, month, season, year or decade. You may make up that someone needs to be attended to, someone needs less attending to, you need to get back in touch with someone, you have to burn some bridges, repair some and possibly build some as well.
Time - is an enigmatic, invisible, there yet fleeting companion. Time - works in a million different ways. Time - guards you from the past, exposes you in the present and makes you vulnerable to the future. Time - you cannot invest in it, since you cannot save some to put to use at a later time. Time - changes things, makes us realize we need to change, changes us. Time - worst enemy yet best buddy.
My bestest BFF ever had an opportunity to study at Singapore and he had to take it for various reasons. He chose to make a move, and I, ever wanting to be spending time with him, did just that, and in the process, missed out everyone else in my life and devoted every moment to him. I was always thinking about what my life would be like once he left and not for one moment did I prepare myself for the time after his departure.
It happened finally, on July 23 at about 2 am. We met the previous day, at about 7 pm, when it was twilight. I could see the sun's parting rays give way to gloom and him leave me till time knows when and we separated ways then. Around 10 pm, he texted me and asked me to fill his cellphone account for 50 bucks and he called me later at about 11 pm. He was firm in not wanting me to see him off at the airport and I was not willing to throw tantrums and so, I obliged. And when I was asleep, he flew.
From the next day on, it was a different scene altogether. The scenes I skipped when I was engrossed in the quality time I spent with him caught up with me. I was thrown back to the world from which I had taken a break, I was set to face it when I was not even ready to do so. I was vulnerable. I called up the frienemy who tossed me about or kept me close as he felt like treating me and I tried to gain some calm and ground. He was not feeling like chatting up, so I had to close that call and find me my way.
He did not keep the path gated and closed all the time. He did it as he pleased. It was his way with me. He could either feel like talking to me or closing me out. He could choose and feel superior and good about it. I was supposed to have no say to him and follow his intentions without so much as a murmur.
I could not stick to that routine, I am a person - I got my feelings and I needed to be heard. But who was out there to hear me out even when he was hearing me? No one. I did not have anyone in my life who could hear me out if not for him. At least, he would tell me something to think about and get past the now, but what if he did not choose to do that? I would be stuck in the now and ruin myself.
But it was too heavy a load to bear. You cannot put yourself at the mercy of a mechanism like this. It does not work this way. You need something reliable. This is a friendship of convenience - his convenience - and being part of it is ruin to me.
Making up my mind about this is not simple - there are times when he was the only person in my life that I could lean on so I could move forward. I cannot toss him out for what he did back then. But he tosses me around today, so am I justified in showing him the door and locking it behind him?
It's something I will never decide upon firmly, unless I have a solid reason to justify my stance on him.
Time - is an enigmatic, invisible, there yet fleeting companion. Time - works in a million different ways. Time - guards you from the past, exposes you in the present and makes you vulnerable to the future. Time - you cannot invest in it, since you cannot save some to put to use at a later time. Time - changes things, makes us realize we need to change, changes us. Time - worst enemy yet best buddy.
My bestest BFF ever had an opportunity to study at Singapore and he had to take it for various reasons. He chose to make a move, and I, ever wanting to be spending time with him, did just that, and in the process, missed out everyone else in my life and devoted every moment to him. I was always thinking about what my life would be like once he left and not for one moment did I prepare myself for the time after his departure.
It happened finally, on July 23 at about 2 am. We met the previous day, at about 7 pm, when it was twilight. I could see the sun's parting rays give way to gloom and him leave me till time knows when and we separated ways then. Around 10 pm, he texted me and asked me to fill his cellphone account for 50 bucks and he called me later at about 11 pm. He was firm in not wanting me to see him off at the airport and I was not willing to throw tantrums and so, I obliged. And when I was asleep, he flew.
From the next day on, it was a different scene altogether. The scenes I skipped when I was engrossed in the quality time I spent with him caught up with me. I was thrown back to the world from which I had taken a break, I was set to face it when I was not even ready to do so. I was vulnerable. I called up the frienemy who tossed me about or kept me close as he felt like treating me and I tried to gain some calm and ground. He was not feeling like chatting up, so I had to close that call and find me my way.
He did not keep the path gated and closed all the time. He did it as he pleased. It was his way with me. He could either feel like talking to me or closing me out. He could choose and feel superior and good about it. I was supposed to have no say to him and follow his intentions without so much as a murmur.
I could not stick to that routine, I am a person - I got my feelings and I needed to be heard. But who was out there to hear me out even when he was hearing me? No one. I did not have anyone in my life who could hear me out if not for him. At least, he would tell me something to think about and get past the now, but what if he did not choose to do that? I would be stuck in the now and ruin myself.
But it was too heavy a load to bear. You cannot put yourself at the mercy of a mechanism like this. It does not work this way. You need something reliable. This is a friendship of convenience - his convenience - and being part of it is ruin to me.
Making up my mind about this is not simple - there are times when he was the only person in my life that I could lean on so I could move forward. I cannot toss him out for what he did back then. But he tosses me around today, so am I justified in showing him the door and locking it behind him?
It's something I will never decide upon firmly, unless I have a solid reason to justify my stance on him.
